Chronicles of the Mind of a Dark & Twisted Nerd

Bleeding from bodily orifices is never a good thing

2006-07-06T20:17:24Z

Greetings chaps!

I'm going to make this brief because I'm due at work in 15 minutes, but if I haven't been in touch with you, it's because I have a tear in my eardrum.

That's right. I had a bit of a cold the past weekend, and it ended up spreading to my ear canal, where fluid started building up and eventually the pressure was so great that it punctured my left eardrum. Most of this happened while I was asleep, so you can imagine my consternation to wake up, finding blood soaking through my pillow.

The good news is that the possibility of permanent hearing loss is very low, but nonetheless I have a wad of medicated cotton stuck in it for now, and I will be in great pain and discomfort for a good while yet.

In other news, the job I have at Publix is a necessary evil, and I continually hope that my customers tip their half-deaf bagboy ("Front Service Clerk") well for putting up with their incessant nonsense.

Hope you all are doing well!
~Chris

P.S. I also decided to try out contact lenses for a week. Lemme know what you think!

"15 Reasons why porn is beneficial in society"

2005-10-05T03:12:06Z

Sorry I haven't shown in forever, but I saw this list and had to post it. Arguably, it does contain several rather pertinent points. For instance, porno does provide a sexual release, and this release would seem to have a much less deleterious effect than holding it in. I believe Freud had several concurring ideas along this line, but I'll save them for a real update. Enjoy: I certainly did!

1) Acting as a safety valve

Looking at porn which shows people all the wild sex they may never get, and produces orgasm to relieve tension. Thus people are less likely to commit sex crimes.

2) It's useful In sex therapy. I am a sex therapist and use porn to reduce sexual anxiety.

Don't get me wrong, showing a picture of a gorgeous pussy isn't going to turn a homosexual into a heterosexual. Nor should it . But porn is used to educate and help people accept sexual activities better. Most men know that cocks vary a lot in size and shape and so don't worry about being weird, but women often go mad worrying, especially nervous that they played with themselves and made the labia become weird shapes. So we show them photos of all the various kinds of pussies and they relax.

Showing couples how blow-jobs look helps them feel less nervous, showing pictures of masturbation helps lessen the guilt. Once couples find out it's OK to masturbate together, sex therapy proceeds quickly and successfully.

3) It spices up the sex-lives of millions of couples who've been together for a long time, They look at the porn together, get turned on and have hot sex.

Most people have fantasies about having group sex or doing wild things that are difficult to organise or realise. So porn allows you to witness the scenes of your longings, without all the worries of jealousy, breaking friendships, -- your neighbours might not speak to you again if you invite them round for an orgy -- or breaking the law.

4) Porn provides spicy fantasy lives for people without partner or are in a dull relationship. Women tend to read novels and men look at top-shelf mags, films and videos, or satellite TV.

5) Porno is very popular. When the photographic process was discovered it was used to create porn before anything else.

The reverend Chad Varah, founder of The Samaritans, 87 next week, and a member of Keeble college and this Union, told me that he supports my work, and told me a story last week that in the 60's Sight and Sound magazine did a survey of West End cinemas during the afternoon and found there were four times as many viewers squashed on uncomfortable seats in tiny basement porno theatres than in the plush cinemas showing big movies! People love porn!

6) Porn provides more orgasms, which is beneficial for people's health, strengthening the heart and lungs, circulation and leaving them with a feeling of well-being. When I go for a medical check-up, they always say "You must be an athlete" -- and I just say "No, I enjoy a lot of big orgasms".

7) Porn is beneficial to many of the people in it. You may find this hard to believe but being sexual in front of a camera can have a profound effect -- especially on women -- they blossom sexually. Porn is a fun job for those who enjoy it.

Look at these women -- in their everyday life and in porn. Do they seem harmed or unhappy? It's a myth that women are drugged and dragging into pornography.

8) Porn is amusing and lots of people watch it at parties or show it around in the pub, which lowers inhibitions so that people feel less worried about discussing their sex lives. Laughter and sex go together happily as both are joyful.

9) Porn is shocking This might be the most difficult one to accept but people love to be shocked. Seeing something shocking challenges everyday standards, helps people put things into perspective, makes life less grey, and is cathartic -- bringing all your repressed emotions to the surface and thus refreshing you.

10) Porn is educational This is especially true in fetish and S/M porn, where it's sometimes difficult to find out how to give an enema, put someone in bondage or whip them without damaging them. I wish it were more so, teaching shy people how to make sexual approaches, and educating society that disabled people can be great lovers. People can learn about safer sex from those books and films that show it.

11) Porn can be enjoyed by everyone whatever their education and class (unlike the media which provides different messages to each). The rich and sophisticated can enjoy their erotic art and when that gets taken to court, the judge is in a dilemma because it breaks the rule that the refined don't show their sexual feelings, and how can he ban a work of a great artist?

12) Porn is subversive It's an insult to British adults to ban us seeing hard porn. It's a way of nannying us, and controlling us. It's a very clever device -- because to control the people's sexuality, you control the people. Porno is thus subversive, and subversion of a police state is very a important benefit to society.

Quite a lot of pornographers have political motivation -- and use it to discredit careerists, embarrass hypocrite and make political statements.

The last three are reasons why banning porn is harmful to society:
13) Banning porn is an insult to sex -- if we can see pictures of everything else, why not sex. Sex is beautiful, not shameful.

14) Banning porn means that the authorities get to see it all, and we don't. If it depraves and corrupts that means we have depraved and corrupt authorities, and if it doesn't, then what's the point of the ban?

15) Finally, Banning porn means society is not free to make our own choices. You are all intelligent adults here, and you don't need someone else to decide what you may and may not read and view.

Opinions be what they may, I found this, while not precisely scientific, nonetheless amusing.

Source: http://www.sfc.org.uk/old/docs/oxprop.htm

Long Time, No See

2005-08-25T05:17:08Z

Ok, children, it's been a while since my last update, but nothing has really happened other than my sister being annoying as all hell and my going back up to Orlando. Just a few quick things:

1) Sorry if I didn't get to see everyone this summer, but let's just say "I've had better" and move on
2) I'd forgotten how much I enjoy playing the violin. I'm still not very good at it, but It's great for relieving stress (unless I'm preparing for an audition, then it has the opposite effect).
3) I'm in an on-campus apartment this year, which means that I have my own room and can cook for myself! Yay! So, it's pretty much like living at home, only the people here don't annoy me as much.
4) I forgot to bring so much stuff this year it's not even funny.
5) I've forgotten how weird white people are. Seriously, though, I'm used to being in Miami, where people cut each other off in the road and then curse at each other in Spanish. Being around white people is just...odd...and I don't know why.

Most important, though was a revelation I had this summer. I finally realized that I am over Craig and I'm ready to move on with my life. I also realized that falling in love with someone 2,000 miles away had to have been the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life. And trust me, there's a lot of competition in that category.

I have looked at it from all sorts of angles and I realized that all my life, I have been afraid of letting other people in, because I was afraid they would hurt me. And yes, this particular relationship was quite (unnecessarily) painful on many levels, but it wasn't because I let someone in that I was hurt. Part of it was my inability to control myself. If there is any feeling left within me regarding Craig, I suppose it would have to be embarassment. I acted like a co-dependant, whiny jackass. And I am sorry for that.

I am not sorry for falling in love. No, in fact, I view this as an accomplishment. I was able to face my greatest, deepest-set fear and emerge from the encounter wiser. Sadder, yes, but my time with Craig was a wonderful learning opportunity, a glimpse into the brightest and darkest parts of the human psyche. The relationship was nothing but a debacle, a completely pathetic and utter failure if you choose to look at it from the point of view of a lover. However, from the point of view of a social scientist, it was a success, if a flawed one at that. Now, so much more makes sense to me than it did before. And, from my point of view, it really is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

So what I'm trying to say is that this relationship ending wasn't the end of the world for me. Oh, if I had been any weaker, it could have been. I could have ran away from the world, like I would have done in days long past, but even though I didn't think I would make it, I did. We, as human beings, are in a constant state of change, whether we realize this or not. And I can say that being dumped on my ass changed me as a person for the better in many ways.

Shit, I really didn't intend this post to be so long! Sorry, folks, I'll let you get back to your lives. Hope everyone is doing well, hugs and kisses to all of you!

~Me (who else?)

Happy Birthday/Wedding

2005-06-30T05:32:37Z

Quick update, since I've been running ragged for the past two weeks.

Sunday, June 26th at 5 pm, my sister, Jennifer Linhart Mielke married John William Wood at Cutler Ridge United Methodist Church.

The previous Sunday, June the 19th, I turned 19 years old. Thanks go out to Ashley, Patricia and Cori (yes, honey, I DID get your message) and anyone else who actually remembered.

Problem is, now that their honeymoon is over, I'm going to have to help them move and pack all their old crap into their new house. Yay.

I won't be available to do random shit for probably quite some time. Sorry. But I still love all (or rather, most) of you anyways. Take care!

~Milk

Happy Birthday, Marie-Adelaide

2005-06-14T12:16:32Z

You would have turned One-hundred and eleven today. But instead you died when you were only twenty-nine years old.

We're two of a kind, you and me. Two opposite sides of the same coin...

Horrible Apron-y underwear death

2005-05-30T05:05:50Z

Ok, I need to feel like I've accomplished something, so I'm going to give an update on my "literary pursuits", by which I mean the books that I'm currently working on.

I've started working on my "Comprehensive guide to world leaders", which, for those of you who do not know, intends to be a lexicon of world leaders of modern day countries. I've got most of Europe and modern day kingships (i.e., Lesotho, Swaziland, etc.) covered, as far as lists are concerned, but I'm still working on the actual biographies. I might be done with the first draft of one of the continents by the time I get my bachelors. Which, all things considered, is actually pretty damn quick: I've been working on this shit since I was 14.

I'm up to 99 pages on my Apostolic Queens of Hungary book, but until I go to the Haus-Hof-un Staatsarchiv in Vienna & the National Archive in Budapest, I won't be able to be anywhere near done with that. Hopefully, I might try a study abroad in Salzburg my Junior year, and I could take a day trip to there. In addition, I'm actually talking with the head of the Central European History department at Szent Istcan University, so he might help me getting it published in German & Hungarian so I can rake in the cash in Europe.

I've decided to split my comedy-esque book "Mothers in law from Hell" into two books: one of the same name, and another called "Let them eat Cake". One will deal with women who were bitches to their family, the other which women who were bitches to their countrymen. Hopefully between the two I'll be able to scrap together at least some cash.

And lastly, my fiction book is still in hiatus. Haven't even tried replacing the work lost on that when my laptop died yet. Oh well, what can I say? I know I'm a lazy bastard, so I'm just hoping I can at least finish one of them before I get sick of living and decide I want to be an astronaut.

In other words, I hate living with my family. They are insufferable self-centered shitheads and I want nothing more than to be as far away from them as possible. I'm just hoping that I don't kill my sister before her wedding. Well, that is, if they're going to get married after all. John's having second thoughts after spending more time with her, but at this point, I don't care about his welfare anymore: I want that bitch to be sent to the south pole, but having someone else deal with her shitty problems would be nice too. Sorry John.

Still haven't been able to find a job, but I don't really care. This house is falling apart and no one is willing to do anything. God, no wonder grandma drinks so much.

In any case, see thee all later.

Summer Reading

2005-05-18T01:51:49Z

Hi all. Instead of the usual cantankerous rant, I would like to elicit support (no, not underwear) from you, the reader. I am bored out of my skull doing manual labor and I need something to read in my free time. This summer, I plan on reading, or at least checking out from the library, the following:

-The Cherry Orchard, by Anton Chekhov
-The Brothers Karamyzov, by Feodor Dostoyevsky
-Madame Bovary, by Gustave Flaubert
-Doctor Faustus, by Goethe
-The Decameron, by Boocaccio
-King Lear, by Shakespeare

If anyone has any suggestions for books I can read this summer, please let me know.

In other news, My grandparents (the good ones) left yesterday. Fortunately, my mother's father and his current wife for the most part were very civil to grandma and grandpa (mom's mom & dad). When we went to sit down, however, the stupid bitch did manage to comment to grandma "Wow, someone's gained weight." I saw that fist raised and grandma looked like she was about to slap that bitch three ways form Sunday, but she just smiled and said nothing. Urgh. Oh well, mother's father is only going to live another six months, so after he dies I won't have to put up with her anymore.

Hopefully, I'll get a job at Blockbuster this summer. If not, then I'm going to be working for my family. Oh joy. Oh rapture. Oh joyous rapture.

Stinkin' hunk of Grape Ape

2005-05-11T04:29:25Z

...bah...

I just learned that my mother's father and his current wife will be coming in at noon tomorrow. I thought they wouldn't fly in until Thursday.

*sigh* I really don't like those two. I'm hoping to God that I'll be done with all the damn housework that I need to do by the time their flight comes in so I won't have to be around when those two pathetic sacks of fat stop by the housearound noon-ish.

Meant to update a while ago, but ever since I've been back in Miami my allergies have been acting up again and I've had to deal with my family. Had about 2 1/2 hours to myself tonight and I've started to get my research back on track. Urgh...I had 114 pages on my Queens of Hungary book. My back up copy only has 36. That doesn't make me happy.

Oh, and I hate AOL. Thought I'd get that out.

Happy Birthday McCormick & Carlos!

2005-04-28T03:03:37Z

Happy Birthday youz guyzes! I think we all agree that if there is going to be a surprise party for you two, neither Ash nor I will have anything to do with the planning of it.

That said, time for the angsty, verbose, diarrhiffic portion of the post (amazing how it will end up taking up 95% of this post, hm?)

Ok. First of all, my two Fifteen page research papers are DONE!!!!!! Thank bloody GOD! Do you guys know how hard it was to try and do two fifteen page research papers on really random crap without a GOD DAMN COMPUTER?! Evidently, the people over at Toshiba are going to take another two weeks to dick around with that cesspool of a laptop of mine. Sonuvabitch. I know I did REALLY poorly on both of them, but what the hell, I don't care any more. Tomorrow I have a German final at 10 am, and a presentation of that Damn Service Learning project for my Women in Literature Class. I'm going to make a posterboard of how I made a goddamn colouring book of Eleanor Roosevelt. And I wish to God I was making that up, but no, that's what I ended up doing because my two partners decided that they didn't have time to help me. Filthy Bastards.

Which brings me to my other point. I fell out of bed this morning. But, here's where it gets good. I have a cheap bunk bed and a small room, so, as I was getting out of the top bunk, the railing slipped out from under my hands, so I ended up flying across my tiny room and ended up landing on my tv cabinet. The support for the cabinet broke, because it's 30 years old, and the tv landed ON MY FUCKING FOOT! Trying to extricate myself from the heavy objects threatening to crush me, I ended up ripping the protective door off of my NES. MY GODDAMN FUCKING CUNTCASKET BUCKETBITCH FARTSHIT NINTENDO ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM!!!!! So, not only have I destroyed three furniture items in my room in 5 seconds, but I also have broken the only thing which made life this semester worth living.

Fortunately I didn't break anything (bone-wise and boner-wise), but my left ankle was pretty damn swollen, so the trip back up to Orlando (had to rush back to Miami, loooooooong story for another post) was remarkably unpleasant.

Fuck.

Tomorrow at about 6 pm, it will all be over, and I can move out of Flagler Hall where I can't run around in my underwear and have to share a bathroom with three other troglodytes and where I can't conduct scientific experiments involving Draino, cockaroaches and matted hair.

Speaking of hair, I have a certifiable 'puffro', which is a combination of 'puff' and 'afro' and the very sound of the word makes me want to commit seppeku [sic]. Or is it hari-kari? [sic as well, you anime ass clowns]. Regardless, I would most assuredly die without honor simply because I have never lived with honor. God damnit, I really want a tequila sunrise with too much vodka and grenadine. Oh, and Florida orange juice, because that caustic bile that they had in Germany would probably eat through asbestos insulation.

God, I'm a bitch. Why the hell do any of you put up with me?

~Mielkepie - not just for breakfast!

Research Paper rough draft

2005-04-18T03:59:29Z

Holy flippin' mother of fuck on a stick.

You remember how in last entry I said I was about half way done? well, guess what. The computer I saved it on DELETED my research paper. That's right. So, today, I have been in the library since 1 pm, taking food and bathroom breaks, typing up this paper. I finally have just finished the rough draft of my research paper for History and Historians, HIS 4150. It is 15 pages long. I tried posting it under a cut, but it ended up being too long, so if you really REALLY want to read it, drop a line and I'll send a copy. It's called "The False Queens of Hungary: A Historiographical view on the reliability of historians concerning the Queens of the Arpad dynasty" Yeah, I like sounding like a pompous windbag, it's what I'm good at. ok, that's all, I'll have a real update once my eyeballs stop burning.

Pandora's Lunchbox

2005-04-11T04:14:04Z

Ok, so my last few posts haven't been exactly...um...ebullient, but today, I actually do have good news!
#1: My book from Interlibrary Loan arrived a week earlier (originally thought they would have to ship it over from Britain, turns out just from British Columbia, where the cocaine there is put in tea and eaten with crumpets and the such) so...
#2 ...I was thus able to complete about 1/5 of my research paper for History and Historians today. Mind you, this was the hard 1/5-I actually was trying to prove that Adelaide of Poland never existed in the first place. Plus, I've set all the framework and codexed all the necessary paradigms, so all I have to do is plug and chug four more times. I might be done with the first draft by Wednesday. For me, this is beyond huge. I'm trying to do two 15 page min. papers (I have 8 so far on one and...um, none on the other) without a computer. I've been using the library computer for the past about month and a half. Which brings me to
#3: I just realized that I haven't looked at porno since my computer's been broken. Well, unless you count that one photo of Grand Duchess Olga being baptised, but she was about 50 years old and her boobs looked like someone tried to iron the wrinkles out of them. They reached her bellybutton.
Also, #4: If any of you happen to be in Orlando on Thursday, at 7 pm, the orchestra will be having the Symphony under the Stars near the relfection pond. I don't think anyone reading this is actually in Orlando, however, so, unless you plan on visiting, disregard previous statement. In addition, Philip and Christian said that they were going to go to the art lab and print up a huge banner with my picture on it and the slogan reading "Chris Mielke Rocks". Knowing them, they might actually do that...which is why I am scared.

So, in conclusion, yeah, this entire semester has been a wide awake nightmare from beginning to end, yeah, I'd rather shave Queen Elizabeth the Seconds' balls before I pull something like this again, yeah, I get depressed and lonely now and again, but what the hell. I just rewarded myself for a job well done on this paper with two Quarter Pounders from McDonalds and a vanilla shake, both of which were pretty disgusting. No, seriously. The vanilla shake was like that crap that came out of the "Make your own ice cream" machine that you asked for Christmas when you were four years old because you thought that you'd be slamming Ben & Jerry's down your pie hole instead of that rancid yak butter that toilet churned up. Wait, where was I? oh yeah, I worked my ass off (again) and rewarded myself with a break. And this semester ends in two weeks and afterwards I can look forward to a demeaning, minimum wage job hopefully with Ashley! Seriously, folks, after this Scylla and Charibdis, I'm looking forward to slopping up juice on Aisle Nine at Walgreens or, if the gods be willing, selling overpriced goth/punk gear (Hot Topic, where else?) to spoiled preteens who just try too damn hard to look like they're not trying to hard. In conclusion, Mielke momentarily satisfied. Hopefully this will last for the remaining two weeks of this crap jerky.

I think I'm going to cry...

2005-04-09T13:18:25Z

Good morning everyone. And what a lovely morning it is. Funny thing is how whenever I feel the absolutely shittiest, the skies are always crystal blue and the sun is always strong enough to melt the extensive rhinoplasty off of over the hill starlets. Here's a brief recount of what just happened:

This semester, for my women's literature class, we have to do a service learning project. At first I tried working with a woman's center in Tirana, Albania, but Professor Logan shot down every idea I had for helping them out. ("They say they need information regarding domestic violence prevention, as well as how to run a door-to-door campaign, I could research that stuff up and send it to their translation desk" "They need professional research, not some freshman's scribblings.") god, I wanted to punch her in the face for saying that. Then, the idea came up that I could be a victim services volunteer. Training was supposed to be at 8 am this morning. I get up at 7, leave at 7:30 walk there and arive at around 8-ish. Only thing is, no one's there. Doors are locked, lights are off. I call Christine, the outreach/coordinator head, just like I had been doing since Tuesday, and again, recieve no answer. I walk back to Flagler, and then back to Millican, to get some informationon this shit, and guess what. It says training is at 8 am Victim Services building, Trailer 533. The number to call: Christine's!

So why does this make Mielke psycho? Because in two weeks, I have to doa research paper worth 20% of my grade (Origin of the Human Species), a research paper worth 25% of my grade (History and Historians) that damn service learning project, all over from the beginning that's worth 30% of my grade (Women in Literature: a social justice approach), and last, but not least, a final in German that's worth 25% of my grade. I have to do all of this using only library and Honors College computers, because mine is STILL in the damn shop. And that's only my school-related stress. On top of that, this semester I've had to deal with my first break up (which I'm still dealing with for some reason unknown to me), my grandfather being sick, possibly dying any second now, and all of this on my own, just like the rest of the things I've had to do in my life.

So, what I'm going to do is eat, and then go back to sleep and maybe, just maybe, if I wish hard enough, none of this will have happened, and it will be the beginning of the semester all over again, and instead of taking a courseload of batshit insane classes, I'll take a whole bunch of easy classes and then be free to prostitute myself around instead of studying, because college is supposed to be about fun, sex, and all the things I never got to experience back in Miami because I was too shy/hateful/scared. I am rambling at this point, which is not a good sign. Good night all.

A Real Update: now with 20% more angst!

2005-04-06T19:28:23Z

Yeah...I thought you all would like an actual update of just what the fuck is going on in my life, but every time I got to type something down, it made me deperssed/furious/homicidal [sic, because the author is lazy]. Regardless, over the past week, I've been spending my time doing an essay for LIT3383H that was worth 20% of my grade-I spent about 3 days working on it and I'm still not satisfied with it. Over the weekend I also had a German quiz to study for, and today I had to do a presentation for The History of the Human Species. Only problem was, as soon as I was done with the Powerpoint, and right as I was about to save, the library computer deleted the damn thing, saying that this computer was under a security quarantine. Mind you, this was after I spent about 4 hours researching the background of the damn article, because it was so poorly written and sloppily researched (it didn't have a fucking THESIS!), so, after beating up the pillow in my bedroom, I proceeded to ad-lib the report in class.

On top of that, in the past two weeks, I have been compiling research for my two papers and preparing my service learning project: On Saturday, I will be spending from 8 am to 4 pm training to become a volunteer for the Victim Service unit on campus. That's all good and well, but I just realized that if someone were to make a movie of my life, it would consist of me doing homework or trying to keep that damn family of mine from destructing. I mean, good God, the last time I laughed was in March. The only moods I feel anymore are pissed off and batshit insane...and those really aren't moods to begin with.

Oh well, just had to vent that somewhere. I'm going to go post my discussion topic now for a presentation which will be worth 10% of my final grade. Whoopee. I hope to God you all are having more fun than me.

P.S. I'll post the photos of Anne of Cleves' stupid hats for you later, Sta.

Rutilans Rosa Sine Spina

2005-04-02T19:31:21Z

I have some steam I need to blow off (don't ask why) so I'll simply post this simple message.

THIS IS NOT KATHERINE HOWARD!

I have encountered countless resource after resource that says this portrait represents Katherine Howard, 5th wife of Henry VIII (1525?-1542). This is simply not true for more reasons than people generally care to know.

1) The sitter is too old. According to Alison Weir, Katherine would have been 15 when Henry married her, and 17 when she died. This is substantiated by the fact that she isn't mentioned in her grandfather's will, drawn up in 1524.

2) She is in MOURNING! Katherine Howard had no reason to mourn, if she was having her portrait taken. Her father died in 1539, a full year before she caught Henry's eye, but he had never cared for her in the first place, and as soon as her mother died, Katherine was sent to live with her step-grandmother the Dowager Duchess of Norfolk. The only other occassion Katherine would have had to mourn is either the death of Cromwell, or the death of Margaret Pole, Countess Salisbury, but being as they were both executed as traitors of the state, ANY mourning worn would have been treasonous in itself.

3) The Jewelry. A necklace of pearls alternating with aiglettes is not mentioned ANYWHERE in her jewel records, although it is certainly possible that it could have belonged to her before Henry gave her additional jewels. The brooch hanging at the opening of her neck, however, is certain proof that the identity is not Katherine. On the right side (her left), there are two people intertwined, and the left (her right) is a panther. The panther is the badge of the Seymours (St. Maurs), the family of Henry's third wife, Jane. Katherine was a very frivolous girl, and would have certainly worn much more jewelry than the sitter present.

4) The sleeves. The mutton-leg style of sleeves was introduced to England by Anne of Cleves, Henry's 4th wife. Katherine, using the tactics employed by Anne Boleyn and Jane Seymour, would have done all in her power to try and show herself to be the complete opposite of her predecessor, and would NOT have emulated her choice in fashion. The embroidery on the undershirt is clearly Spanish, and the gold embroidery on the sleeves is Arabic in design. Katherine, like her cousin Anne Boleyn, shoed a marked preference for French fashions throughout her reign. True, the sitter wears a French hood, but the style, including the chinstrap, is mostly a relic of the 1530's.

Considering these various phenomena, the sitter in the portrait above now seems to be Elizabeth Seymour, sister of Queen Jane. The mourning would have been worn after the death of her first husband, before her marriage with Gregory, Lord Cromwell. Jane is known to have favored the gable hoods and Spanish styles that Catherine of Aragon displayed, and her sister would have likewise copied Queen Jane's taste (the only exception being the French hood). The panther on the brooch seems to complete the puzzle, in addition to the fact that the sitter bears similarities to Jane with her rather large Seymour nose and receding chin.

It is my belief that the portrait of the lady below is probably Katherine Howard. Her name is not on the miniature because her identity would have been known to the bearer. Her hazel eyes, chestnut hair, and diminuative stature are in keeping with all contemporary descriptions of her. The fashion is largely and notably French. And finally, the brooch of emerald, ruby and pearl that she wears is one worn by her successor, Katherine Parr. This, my friends, is the portrait of a young girl who fell in love when she was fifteen, and executed for it when she was seventeen.

Thank you. And have a pleasant tomorrow.

Blasts from the Past

2005-03-27T06:11:39Z

Ok, I'm feeling like a human being again, probably because it's the weekend, so I thought I'd post some things I found interesting/funny/odd. These were papers from my senior year of high school. The first is a test I made for my miserable physics class. I thought I'd sumbit it to see if anyone knew the answers. Answer them all right and...well...I guess I will have stolen about 15 minutes from your life. Here goes:

1. Which one of these gentlemen is not accredited in some way with the communications satellite?
A. Konstantin Eduardovich Tsiolkovsky
B. Herman Potocnik
C. Johann Widgemore*
D. Arthur C. Clark
2. The sidewaus motion that keeps an object in orbit, and which keep an object from eing pulled into its center of gravity is also called:
A. A Bowl of Fruit
B. Angular Velocity
C. My Underpants
D. What was the question again?
E. Johann Widgemore*
3. What was the name of the first successful communications satellite?
A. Echo
B. Narcissus
C. Johann Widgemore*
D. Aleksandra Briachesl'ovna of Polotzk, Grand Princess of Vladimir and First Wife of Aleksandr Nevskii
E. Green
4. Television waves must be transmitted through some form of satellite because:
A. Johann Widgemore*
B. Why am I still reading this?
C. Adelaide Amelia Louise Therese Caroline, Princess of Saxe-Meiningen and Queen Consort of William IV, by the Grace of God King of Great Britian, Ireland and France and Elector of Hanover.
D. The frequency is higher than that of a radio
E. Dunkin' Donuts
5. The purpose of Solar panels is to:
A. Watch Pauly Shore movies.
B. Berengaria of Navarre
C. Hypnotize my idiot physics teacher into giving me an A on this asanine, lachrymose assignment
D. Flash people on earth
E. Generate power for the satellite.
6. A Geostationary satellite require _____ energy than a low orbit one.
A. Fish
B. More
C. Less
D. You will give me an A, Mr. Pagani...you WILL give me an A
E. the same as
7. What are you doing inside this classroom? Shouldn't you be getting sunlight or playing the drums?
A. True
B. False
C. Absolutely nothing
D. Trying to get an A in this class because I have given up all hope for happiness in this world and the next
E. Johann Widgemore*

Heh heh...man, that seems like it was an eternity ago...

The second thing I thought I'd post is some poetry. Not anything I wrote (good God, I am determined that if anyone reads poetry that I have written, it shall be under psuedonymn) but this is by, respectively Christopher 'Kit' Marlowe, and Sir Walter Raleigh. I read them again today and realized 'Holy Shit, the narrator of the second poem is me...' So, here we are "The Passionate Shepherd to His Love" and "The Nymph's reply to the shepherd"

Come live with me and be my love
And we will all the pleasures prove
That valleys, groves, hills and fields
Woods or steepy mountain yields

And we will sit upon the rocks
Seeing shepherds feed their flocks
By shallow rivers to whose falls
Melodious birds sing madrigals

And I will make thee beds of roses
And a thousand fragrant posies,
A cap of flower and a kirtle
Embroidered all with leaves of myrtle;

A gown made of the finest wool
Which from our pretty lambs we pull;
Fair lined slippers for the cold
With buckles of the purest gold;

A belt of straw and ivy buds
With coral clasps and amber studs;
And if these pleasures may thee move
Come live with me and be my love

The shepherds' swains shall dance and sing
For thy delight each May morning:
If these delights thy mind may move,
Then live with me and be my love

awww....now here's me talking:

If all the world and love were young,
And truth in every shepherd's tongue,
These pretty pleasures might me move
To live with thee and be thy love.

Time drives the flocks from field to fold,
When rivers rage and rocks grow cold;
And Philomel becometh dumb;
The rest complain of cares to come.

The flowers do fade, and wanton fields
To wayward winter reckoning yields;
A honey tongue, a heart of gall,
In fancy's spring, but sorrow's fall.

Thy gowns, thy shoes, the bed of roses,
Thy cap, thy kirtle, and thy posies,
Soon break, soon wither, soon forgotten,
In folly ripe, in reason rotten.

Thy belt of straw and ivy buds,
Thy coral clasps and amber studs,
All these in me no means can move
To come to thee and be thy love.

But could youth last and love still breed,
Had joys no date nor age no need,
Then these delights my mind might move
To live with thee and by thy love.

...come to think of it, I only agree with the nymph in her reply halfway. She says that she would love the shepherd if age or time had no meaning and youth lasted forever. She says they would move her...but I feel as if nothing could move me to love or be loved anymore. And no, I'm not being maudlin or overly dramatic, I just feel delightfully numb; frozen, almost. Frozen and stony. And I don't want to be broken. I don't want my defenses to be lowered again, and I don't want to fall in love ever again. It's too distracting.

*Johann Widgemore an affiliate of 'Mary Widgemore', copyright Christa Muller 2003. All (lucrative) rights reserved.

Five more weeks...

2005-03-21T22:43:05Z

Wow, it's been a while since I've looked at this thing.

Just to inform everyone, for the next 5 weeks, you will most likely not hear from me. At all. The reasons are these:
1) Research Paper for "History of the Human Species" concerning Sahelanthropus tchadensis and its implications for the origins of man
2) Research Paper for History and Historians concerning the invention of False Queens of Hungary during the Arpadian Age
3) The Goddammned Women's Literature class which I hate even more with each passing day (I'll explain tomorrow, after I have that class from hell)
4) My family and their constant nattering for resolution and mediation and manual labor since they are too incapacitated/selfish/stubborn to do so
5) Orchestra
6) Discussions with Doctor Perry about me getting published, probably sometime during my sophomore year.

Those six things are going to occupy my life for the next 5 weeks. I was able to take a slight hiatus during Spring Break, but now I must once again resume my duties as a student. I will not be able to spend time visiting anybody and very little time talking to anybody, considering how I have to live through this semester without a computer. Expect me to be bilious, frustrated, unhappy, and cynical, because I can tell you already, no matter how hard I work for that Women's Literature class, I'll get at best a B.

This has been the semester from hell, not only because I have two senior level classes, but also because this is the first time in my life I have ever had my heart truly broken. I am happy to report that I am slowly recovering from the detrimental effects of this and it is my hope that I will soon be on my way back into the mainstream of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Until that happens, please send me an email or call me to let me know how you are doing. Thank you very much and have a most pleasant evening.

I hate technology

2005-03-04T02:48:10Z

Ok, folks, my laptop has officially died. About a week before it was able to do Microsoft Word and Internet Explorer (maybe WMP, if it was PMSing) but now, the damn thing crashes and restarts before it even loads the desktop.

Needless to say, I am ready to throw that damn thing into the garbage disposal and not turn on the water just so I can watch it melt and burn. The shitty anti-virus protection on the damn thing kept letting the viruses reload so I'd have to run a full system sweep every other hour, so a task that would take me maybe two hours became six.

I am pissed, pissed, pissed, pissed and more pissed, but hopefully I can take it in to get fixed. That, however, means, that now that I finally have time to talk to my friends, I won't be able to. So, to that end, if anyone reading this can post the times it would be convenient for me to call, I'd greatly appreciate it. The plan I have is 5,000 minutes after 9 and on weekends, and 300 during the day, so if I'm going to call, it's going to be either Saturday, Sunday, or late, only thing is, I don't know when to call any of you. Everyone here should have my number (can't think of anyone who doesn't) oh, and I get free long distance, so that's not a problem. Th'only person I won't be able to call is Jem doll, because it'd be international, but worry not.

Besides the computer malfunction, things are normal. Dad backed into someone's car, so we're either going to have to cut out money from my sister's wedding or my college fund. Gee. Let me think who's going to win. Oh well, the only things I have to worry about are food and lodging, and if worse comes to worse, I can always take out a student loan...although selling my soul to Satan sounded like a good idea at the time (he said it scared him, though, so I still have the stupid thing. maybe I can sell it to Barbara Bush.)

And since I have nothing more to say, I think I will close with a variety of random sayings for no reason other than to waste my time at the library computer and distract myself from the whirling vortex of drudgery and debasement that is my life.

BOOBIES!
ICE CREAM!
VELVET!
CHOCOLATE COVERED STRAWBERRIES!
CONDOMS!
GUILLOTINE!

I GOT TO GO TO DISNEY WORLD YESTERDAY!!!

2005-02-27T21:49:41Z

Ok, I'm still really psyched about it (got up 20 minutes ago) because I can't remember the last time I had that much FUN! And with my family, nonetheless!

John was a little under the weather, so we didn't scamper about as quickly as I would have liked, but it's all good. I got to go on all three mountains (Space, Splash & Thunder) TWICE! And the lines weren't horrendously long as I remember (last time I went I was eleven, I think. Or twelve, I went there in lieu of a birthday party).

Mom wouldn't ride on the Magic Tea cups (it makes her vomit) but Dad, Jenny & I did, and we almost vomited ourselves, but thankfully, did not. Mercifully, the "IT's A Small World" ride was closed, but that did not spare us from the suckaciousness of the "Enchanted Tiki Bird Room". I can't believe I'm going to say it, but...I liked the old one better...when it did a horrible job of representing Hawaii, instead of a horrible job of making a display of horrible music. We got to eat at the Liberty Tree Tavern in Liberty Square, and the food was, as always, amazing. I got felt up by Chip AND Dale (horny chipmunks) but hell, at least I can say I've gotten molested by two brothers XD! 'Bout fucking time.

I was so proud of my family. In the fourteen hours I was together with them, they only fought ONCE! Do you realize how earth-shakingly good they were behaving? I was going to say if they made it all the way without fighting, I was going to go to a church and wait out the impending apocalypse.

That was so exciting, though, and I was actually sad to see them go. Well, that may be because I left my bag of Cheetohs in the car, but still, all in all, I had a WONDERFUL time, and I really can't remember the last time that happened. After I read half of "The Handmaid's Tale", pick out research paper topics for Anthro & History & Historians, get my summer school schedule set up for FIU and practice a little, I'm actually going to hook up my SNES and play *gasp* Chrono Trigger!! This is very big for me, because the last time I played a video game was January 11. I'll probably have to start from the beginning, though, 'cause I won't have a single clue wtf is going on.

Stay Beautiful, kids. I can't WAIT to see you all for spring break!!

The worst part is that this is entirely my own fucking fault

2005-02-17T07:04:11Z

Ok, to those of you who are wondering just what in God's name happened with my last entry, let's just say that I'm a jackass who has bitten off more than I can chew...yet again.

For the past two weeks, I have been waking up at 8 MWF and 9 TuTh, and not going to sleep until 3 or 4 in the morning. That is because, except for time spent eating, sleeping, and walking to and from class, I have been doing nothing but schoolwork. I have 2 5-page essays due every Friday, and one Lit. analysis due every Tuesday, but these two weeks have added onto those lovely assignments 2 German tests, 2 presentations for Anthro, and 1 (originally 2) presentation for Women's Lit. On top of all this, I have orchestra, HERO and JA (volunteer programs at Elementary school) and A Service Project for the Women's Lit. class where I have to either fundraise, or research data for a women's center in Tirana, Albania.

I have not watched tv in a month. I have not read anything for enjoyment in two weeks. I practice only when I'm too exhausted to do anything else, and the only time I can sign on and talk to my friends is when they're already asleep.

I know I have no right to complain, considering how this is all my doing, but today...it was like everything overwhelmed me. I haven't had a conversation with you, McCormick in 2 months, I haven't talked to Ashley or Cori in about 3 weeks, Lord only knows the last time I talked to Danny or Carlos or Gaby or Patti or Leah or anyone else who happens to read this entry. I have been drained, physically and emotionally (fucking therapist says I'm "regressing") and I feel alone and lost. Lost especially, because even though I'm working all the time, I'm too scatterbrained to remember everything I have to do. I missed a quiz in German, a paper in Lit. and a presentation in Anthro (I was able to reschedule, thank God) and this weekend is going to be nothing but focusing on the orchestra concert and trying to scrap up yet another presentation and another paper.

On top of all this, I miss every last one of you. I remember so many special moments between all of you (even those who don't think I do. Trust me, I care and I remember) and I wish I could hug everyone and let you all know how much you mean to me.

I'm sorry that I've been neglecting and ignoring everyone for the longest time. It's not because I don't care about any of you, not at all.

Well, in any case, my five minute break is over. Back to the wonderful world of Powerpoint and Microsoft Word.

baronvonbrocoli @ 2005-02-16T11:56:00

2005-02-16T19:59:20Z

GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!

MIELKE HATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MIELKE BLOODY FUCKING HATE!!!!!!!!

MIELKE WANT TO STAB REPEATEDLY, FLUSH DOWN TOILET, PUSH OFF A CLIFF, SET ON FIRE, BURN IN CARBOLIC ACID, MAIM, TORTURE AND KILL KILL KILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE!!!!!!!!

Strange Happenings

2005-02-09T00:47:11Z

Hey kids. Sorry I've been practically nonexistent for...well, a long time, but it doesn't look like that's going to change anytime soon. Let me give you a brief update of what my life is going to be like. until April 25. But first, I have to tell you all my adventures in "The Enjoyment of Music" last semester.

I think the only person I told about this was Craig, but something happened today that made me think about it, so I thought I'd let everyone know the squishy details. Last year, in MUL 2010, I became friends with this kid, Rick. Well, I use the term "kid" lightly because he was at least half a foor taller than me and about twice my weight (in muscle, nonetheless). In any case, we weren't paying attention as usual (I mean, come ON, this was stuff Hudson taught us in 9th grade music theory, so all you orchestra people know exactly how much work we did), and we got to taling about fetishes. Guess what his was. A cuckold fetish. That's right, what gets his rocks off is seeing some total stranger bang his girlfriend while he watches. I bit my lip, and I was amazed that I didn't say something incredibly tactless about that...until he asked me if I was interested.

Um, do I fucking LOOK like the type to go around sleeping with other people's girlfriends? I mean, fuck, I'm still a virgin in every physical sense of the word (not mentally, though, because after the new Teenage Mutant ninja Turtles show, I consider my childhood to be sufficiently raped), and he wants me to do WHAT? In any case, I politely declined, and thought I heard the end of it. But he wouldn't stop fucking pestering me! Asking me if I had second thoughts...if I knew someone else who would be interested...he even fucking asked me what he should wear when his "girlfriend" had her lover over. then one day (in typical Mielke style), I completely lost it, telling him (rather audibly, mind you), that if that's what he gets off on, it shows that he he has severe problems with trust in a relationship and that he should go to a counselour about, rather than having someone else pork his girlfriend. I mean...I was still hoping that the relationship with Craig could be salvaged, and hearing him talk about how he wanted to be married to someone and know that the kids they were raising weren't his...it was like trying to put out a grease fire with gasoline.

In any case, I ran into him today, the first time since the half diatribe/half scream-fest. Turns out that his girlfriend ended up leaving him for one of her side lovers, and he's seeing a private psychologist (did I mention he's 22 and has a job?) and all seems to be going ok. I just thought it was amusing how I got so upset over that at the time, but how, in the end, I was vindicated...in all due respect, I should have simply said nothing and let him go about his business, but I'm kind of glad I did...I wouldn't want anyone in the world to find out that the person they loved above all things was betraying them.

I meant to also mention in this entry why I was so busy, but I got so caught up in the story that my hands are bored typing. Meh, I'll save it for another day. Stay beautiful, kids.

Built-in cupholders

2005-02-01T03:41:55Z

I've never seen anyone balance a cup of coffee on their boobs before I met Erika...it amazed me how she chose to balance such a hot cup of coffee, for if it had spilled, the results would have been less than completely salubrious.

Today was a nothing day.

Scratch that, today I met Doctor Parry, UCF's local medievalist. I just wish I could have come across with more dignity, though...

We had a guest speaker in History and Historians, and before the room got settled, I muttered something to myself about Today's disease of the day being scrofula. And lo and behold, she says as audibly as possible "Actually, we're going to talk a little bit about scrofula later."

Parry was in the classroom when he heard this, and later on, after class, he saw me in the library and greeted me with the ever-so eloquent "Hey, scrofula boy!"

Things went very well, though, and he hinted that he might want to read some of my work and let me volunteer for him. That made me very happy ^_^. Plus, he ain't half bad looking XD!

Geez, I feel like the biggest fucking whore now. And my dirty pillows can't even hold any cups, either ;-;.

Wow, this entry's inane. Good night!

baronvonbrocoli @ 2005-01-28T19:10:00

2005-01-29T00:12:15Z

I command everyone who remembers this song to immediately sing this at the top of their lungs starting....NOW!!

We run, we jump, we swim and play
We row and go on trips
But the thing that lasts forever
Are our dear friendships

Camp Anawanna, we hold you in our hearts
and when we think about you
it makes me want to fart!

It's I hope we never part
Now get it right or pay the price

Now we will share a lifetime of the fondest memories
by the Lake of Anawanna,set in the old pine trees

Camp Anawanna we hold you in our hearts
but when we think about you, this thing it came apart!

Think Ana-wanna-wanna!
Speak Ana-wanna-wanna!
Live Ana-wanna-wanna! Ugh!!!

Massacre's a little early this year

2005-01-27T02:47:47Z

I was cruising through somethingawful.com, and for some reason, I couldn't help thinking of a certain ravenchic and her new boy-toy. Hey...you can't spell the word "boy-toy" without Toby...hm, fancy that.

Well, now that that's said and done, I'm going to notify my next of kin because I think she's going to kill me now. As for my will...well, I'm not exactly of sound mind or body, so I'll let you all fight over who wants what. Oh, except Core gets the Nintendo belt-buckle. Maybe she can figure out how to use the fugging thing.

Because I'm bored out of my fugging skull

2005-01-25T04:32:43Z

A is for age: 18
B is for booze: *sighs* ok, in the liquor cabinet there's currently 3 half-empty bottles of rum (original, banana and peppermint), a full bottle of Oro, an almost empty bottle of brandy, two unopened bottles of champagne and two things of Godiva chocolate flavoured liquer (milk and white). Now, in the light fixture above the dining room, there's now an empty flask of bourbon (tossed it down the sink), in the dryer, mom had some Fleischmann's gin (tossed it down my gullet), in the doggy-bed, there's some more brandy, in that shampoo bottle, some vodka, and I think my mom may be hiding some more in the medicine cabinet, but when I checked, the robitussin, pepto bismol and cough syrup bottles all were clean...
C is for career: History professor/writer, because some part of me doesn't want to make any money
D is for dad's name: Thomas Christopher Mielke, Pecky to his childhood friends, Malachi to his Coast Guard buddies and Crabby to anyone who he shares a house with
E is for essential items to bring to a party: DDR, nachos, pool, and terrible, TERRIBLE movies.
F is for favorite song at the moment: Still the American Idiot CD by Green Day
G is for girlfriend: don't want one, don't want a boyfriend either, I just want to get finished with college before I start worrying about all that fucking love shit again.
H is for hometown: Born in Annapolis, but raised in Maryland
I is for instruments you play: violin, sax, piano, and I'm currently trying to get Merliou to play that church organ so I can fill in for her when she's absent and get a nice $50
J is for jam or jelly you like: raspberry, blackberry, Johannesberry, but so long as there aren't too many seeds or bits of fruit to get caught in my molars and make me slur my consonants
K is for kids: signing up for the HERO program (Honors Educational OutReach) as well as Junior Acheievement (again), but I would hate to raise a clone of myself, or any of my family for that matter.
L is for living arrangements: Little rat's nest called Flagler Hall, but hell, it's my own personal rat's nest.
M is for mom's name: Elizabeth Linhardt Wilson Mielke, also called "Lisa" and (affectionately) "smartass"
N is for name of your best friend: hell, if you're still reading this shit, I'd say you qualify!
O is for overnight hospital stays: 2 weeks when I was 5, 2 days when I was 7 and dad was in a coma, 1 day when I was 14 and sister had mono and....that's it.
P is for phobias: my family, myself, abandonment, heights, airplanes, clowns, clones, lonliness and Cinderella's stepmother (that bitch had some fucked-up eyes...)
Q is for quote you like: "At least she didn't let self-congratulatory blathering stand in the way of something as trivial as substance" ~Grandma after graduation
R is for relationship that lasted longest: 7 months...
S is for sexual position: umm...how can I put this...oh yeah, FUCK OFF!!
T is for time you wake up: 9 on MWF, 11 on Tu, Thu
U is for unique trait: I'm very empathetic (much as I hate this trait), I know a whole bunch of pointless history shit (but I can't seem to find a way to turn that into a paycheck) and...meh, I dunno
V is for vegetable you love: broccoli (heh, in case you couldn't tell), lima beans and onions
W is for worst trait: I'm emotionally clingy when it comes to relationships, I don't trust other people, I blame myself for everything that goes wrong, and I don't handle stressful situations very well
X is for x-rays you've had: Leg, teeth, and I had an Upper GI when I was about 9
Y is for yummy food you make: quiche, nachos, orange chicken and okonomiyaki (never...ever...EVER doing that again!!!!)
Z is for zodiac sign: gemini

FIRSTS ...
First job: Freelance violinist at Steak & Ale
First screen name: Brain770
First funeral: ...not sure. actually, wait, no, it was Kyle's. when great grandma died, we couldn't afford that ticket to Maryland, now I remember
First pet: a hamster named Cocoa
First piercing: don't ever plan on getting one, because they'd look like shit on me
First tattoo: ibidum
First credit card: this summer, actually...Visa, I think
First kiss: I've never been kissed romantically, and I don't fucking want to be kissed for a very long time
First enemy: myself...
First favorite musical artist: heh...Evanescence, Green Day & Nirvana

LASTS ...
Last car ride: when Erika drove me to the concert in the place that looked like it belonged in the friggin' Twilight Zone (there were white people everywhere...old white people who smelled like cabbage and cathetors...)
Last kiss: ...you gotta be kidding me
Last movie watched: umm...oh yeah! Some Like it Hot! (GREAT flick)
Last beverage drank: arizona green tea (what else?)
Last food consumed: that sludge at the grill. I think it was a hamburger, but all I remember is this bitch taking the ketchup RIGHT OUT OF MY HAND, turning around, then looking back at me and say "oh, mind if I use this?" You already have the fucking ketchup, are you asking me because it took your brain 5 minutes to register that you're a stupid cow who should ask before ripping ketchup out of people's hands? Mother of God...
Last phone call: mom, telling her that I was vomiting
Last time showered: uh, last night
Last CD played: actually, Beethoven's2nd symphony, 2nd movement
Last website visited: somethingawful.com

NOW ...
Single or Taken: ...fuck you
Sex: male, you idiotic meme!
Birthday: June 19
Siblings: yeah, that troll of a sister is getting married in June. And, at the moment, ON MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY! I don't wanna spend my birthday crooning like some bileous pidgeon over this self-centered, conniving brat! I know 19 has got to be a pointless birthday, but come fucking ON! well...hopefully there'll be an open bar so I can carry on the proud family tradition of getting plastered and then doing the macarena with a relative about 4x your age
Hair color: brown. Once again, NOT a blond!
Eye color: Blue
Shoe size: 10 W, 13-14 bowling
Height: 5'9" or 5'10", depending on the shoes

RIGHT NOW, WHAT ARE YOU ..
Wearing: Game over shirt, Oregon Trail hoodie, fortune cookie pajamas and blue shoes
Drinking: green tea
Thinking about: how, for some reason, whenever I end up taking these quizzes, I successfully kill off an hour or so, and end up sounding like a hateful bitch at the same time and unwittingly revealing family secrets that under normal circumstances I would be mortified to hear in public, yet for some reason have no problem airing them out like filthy laundry here.

oh yeah, I also had some really bad onion rings with that cheeseburger. had to eat them with mayonnaise because that dumb crack-whore wouldn't give me my fucking ketchup back